You meet someone in dreams repeatedly, but each time they're a little different.

I've been slacking, I know! I've been doing a lot of reading. In fact, just today, I finished Game of Thrones... after about 8 months. (Gimme a break... it's 800+ pages! Plus I've read about 4 books in between.)

Oh and I got a keyboard, so I've been fiddling with that. :)

I'm a bit rusty. I like the idea better than the execution...

Writing Prompt #6 You meet someone in dreams repeatedly, but each time they're a little different.

I was 4 when I first dreamt of him. He was an old man with white hair and looked around my grandfather's age. I remember wondering who he was because he looked familiar, but like no one in the family I had ever seen.

He was playing with several kids my age and I wanted to play too. But for some reason, they were always just out of reach. Whenever I went to where I thought they were, they were somewhere else. I was always able to see what they were doing, but I couldn't find a way to participate.

I was too young to make sense of it, and didn't think anything of it.

When I was 12, he reappeared. He was younger now, maybe late 40s. The children around him were a older, again about my age. There were only 2 this time and they more closely resembled him. He was with a woman that looked to be his wife and they were very happy. They looked to be on a family vacation on a tropical island.

When I woke up, I asked my mom about the family and if there were any uncles or second cousins that I hadn't met yet. We were a very close family and as far as I knew, we all migrated to the States during the war and no one was left behind.

I scoured through the few old pictures she was able to bring with her when she fled, but I never saw him in any of them.

Nine years later, he reemerged. He was my age this time. I recognized him right away. He was about to graduate college, as was I. The people around him were definitely family. I saw my mom there this time, much older as well as some cousins who also aged. He must be family, but who was he?

I looked through pictures again, and scoured family Facebook accounts to see if I could determine who he was. No success.

Five years later, I saw him again. He was a teenager now. Young, awkward, but still well adjusted. I stopped trying to put meaning behind it. After all, they were just dreams weren't they?

At 36, he came to me again. This time he was about 4 years old. I couldn't believe it when I dreamt of him again. All this time I had been dreaming of my future son! This time, I was dreaming about him at the age he actually was. His beautiful face, his resemblance to the family!

I recalled the dreams I had when I was younger, and hoped the future I had dreamed for him would come true.

As soon as I saw you, I knew an adventure was going to happen - Winnie the Pooh

This quote inspired my summer writing project. I wrote this shortly after the "BBF" (Best Buds Forever) story. I had thought about making it a "pick your own adventure" but decided to work on other things. I like the idea but I know it needs more editing. That still may happen at another time, but not right now. 

My best friend always liked to tease me with a Winnie the Pooh quote: "As soon as I saw you, I knew an adventure was going to happen."

I’ve always been a wall flower, and aside from him, I don’t like people too much.

It became our inside joke and all he started calling me “Pooh” as a nickname. It always made me blush with embarrassment and want to beat him up. Especially since you can’t really distinguish that from #2! I tried to get him to call me “Winnie” but he refused.

He was smart and always ran away, and I always chased him; until one day my mom said, “Gwen! Ladies don’t chase boys!” I was about 9 when the chasing ended. Since then, I just give him a smirk and shake my fist, even though he still ran.

When he came back, he was always ready to share his plan.

This one was an adventurer. We lived in a suburban area that was close to several trail heads, some train tracks and if we were bold enough, we’d make our way over to the beach, which was about a mile away. To a couple of 11 year olds, that was pretty far!

He mixed it up; sometimes we’d collect stuff for his “legen-wait-for-it-dary” tree house. Plans were in place, but he didn’t have a tree picked out just yet. Other times, we would go bum at the beach and bury each other in the sand. Usually, when he buried me, he’d give me huge boobs and long legs. Considering I was as flat as a board and the shortest person he knew, I think he was just trying to be nice. Or a jerk, couldn’t quite tell.

I’d usually give him huge muscles and create a superhero suit, complete with carved abs and a cool logo. I was the artist, he was my muse.

Today, we were going on a search for hidden treasure. Or at least I was. He would create scavenger hunts for me all the time. He was so thoughtful and observant and made these journeys just for me. Clues that he created were based off our inside jokes, so that if anyone were to find the map he made, it wouldn’t make any sense to them. Clever that one…

These adventures were meant for me to do on my own. He had so many ideas that once he completed one, he went off to create more. But when he knows I’m on a hunt, he usually disappears to the final clue to wait for me.

With a snicker on his face, he handed me an envelope. 

The hunt begins.

I closed my eyes and counted to 22 so he could make his escape. I never peaked to see which direction he headed because I always knew I would find him and my treasure. I also knew that he liked to run off in random directions in hopes of making me lose the trail.

I opened the envelope, which held my first clue. Just two words: “Grrr, argh!”

Pirate speak… Black Bart, of course! I knew where this was going to lead… the beach!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Grrr,... Argh!

A few months ago, we walked down our usual path to the beach. At the end of the path, there were a bunch of palm trees. We were playing tag and I chose a random tree to be my “safe” place when I got tired.  As I was leaning against it, catching my breath I noticed the random markings looked like a skull. 

I called a time out and said “Arrrgggg!” as I pointed it out to him. It took him a second and then he saw it. We nicknamed this tree “Black Bart”.  That was our new code word for “beach”.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When I got to our tree, I looked in his eye socket. There was a tiny clear vial in it. I took it out and examined it. There was a black viscous liquid in it. Oil! Why would he put oil in a vial for me?

I looked at it for a while and let it reflect in the sun, racking my brain, trying to figure out the clue Dylan left me.

 And what did that mean to me? A rainbow, of course.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I often would come by Dylan’s house after school. One afternoon, his brother was changing the oil for his car. Some of it leaked on the ground. I was examining it when Dylan came up behind me with a glass of lemonade. I jumped at his sudden appearance because I was so focused on looking at the colors that were in the oil. He laughed at my reaction, and asked “what were you staring at?”

I pointed to the ground and said, “it looks like a rainbow!”

I was so intrigued, that I even ran to get a paint brush and paper to see what it would look like on a different surface. Didn’t look like much, but I had to try. I ruined my brush and my mom freaked out about the fumes and made me throw everything away. I was so upset that she did that. I didn’t understand what the big deal was.

I can’t believe he remembered that!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Rainbow Arch is just down the street!  

Excited, I ran over there. I examined the area. Six arches, yellow, pinks, purple and blue… nothing out of the ordinary. I looked around the cement area, nothing. We had rarely come here, but something must have happened here if he wanted me to come this way.

I was starting to examine the individual arches as a family with a young kid came around. I tried not to get in their way as they walked through, then I saw the kid point to something and ask “What does this mean mamma?”

He pointed to “CCXXII” written and encircled in green chalk. 222! How did I miss that? I must have been looking for a physical clue, instead of a symbol.

The number 2 has always been special to us. He was born on May 2^nd and I was born on August 22^nd. We met in 2^nd grade in room 22, how crazy is that?! We dispute it, but he swears we even met on the 2^nd. I think he’s adding on extra things, but he has a knack for detail, so who am I to dispute it?

But why was it circled? Hmm… oh right! There are circled numbers on the Boardwalk!

I ran over and found number 301. I followed it until I found 222. My search led me to the harbor. This made a lot more sense. After all, we spent countless days here watching the boats, wishing that we could be out on the seas like real pirates, seeking adventure and treasure.

I looked around. I didn’t see him. I looked around to see if there was another clue or flag that would steer me in the right direction.

I walked through a few shops and along the walkway. It was pretty crowded because it was summer and the tourists were around. I racked my brain to figure out where he would be. I circled through the whole area and nothing gave me a sense of where I could find him.

It was a particularly hot day and after all that searching, I wanted a snack. I went to the ice cream shop and got my usual, double scoop of cookies and cream. The guy handed me my cone and in addition to my receipt, he gave me an envelope. I asked him, “What’s this?”

He said, “I don’t know. A kid paid me $5 to give this to the first girl who ordered 2 scoops of cookies and cream, and paid with exact change in coins; you were her.”

I always preferred coins to dollars. Even though it was heavier, it made me feel like I had gold treasure, like the pirates did. I also felt a strange satisfaction in always being able to give exact change.

Dylan used to tease me all the time. He liked having bills, but hated change. When he’d get change, he’d give it to me, and if he needed anything under $0.49, I always gave him exact change so he could get bills back.

I took my ice cream and envelope and fished out a dollar for his tip.

It was another clue! I can’t believe he’d know I would get ice cream. How did he know that?!

I went outside to eat my ice cream. I ate hastily so I could see what was in the envelope. 

A note with a key card…

Roses are red

Violets are blue

If you want to see your prize,

Return this to Marina 2.

I finished my ice cream and headed over to Marina 2. I used the card to get through the gate and after getting to the bottom of the ramp, I saw red poker chip. It had the number 2 on it. I picked it up and put it in my pocket. A little way down, I saw another one, so I picked that up as well. I found a few more and stopped in front of a boat that had 5 chips stacked neatly.

Before I finished putting them in my pocket I heard a familiar voice, “Finally!” exclaimed Dylan as he popped out of one of the sail boats.

“How did you get in here?” I asked?

“Didn’t I tell you my dad’s friend just got a boat!?”

“Oh, yeah, I think you mentioned it…”

He pointed to the back of the boat.

“They let me name it!” Dylan said with a big smile. “And I named it after you!”

“Winnie”

He never called me “Pooh” again. 

between hello and goodbye

Writing Prompt #5 Between hello and goodbye

“Why, hello there!” I said as a 2 month old beagle puppy ran over and started sniffing at me. I looked at the owner, and asked if it was ok to pet his dog.

“Sure, her name is Poppet.”

This pup was one of those who, when she shook her tail from excitement, there was a ripple effect through her whole body.

Source: CrapWeLike

As soon as my knee touched the sand, she climbed on me trying to lick my face.

I rubbed her behind her big floppy ears and she gently tried to nip at my hands.

“Who’s a good girl?” I cooed at her, as I continued to play with her and rub her head.

I love these dogs. They are young and everything is exciting and new. The world is for their exploring and they are just so darn HAPPY!

After a few more ear scratches, I patted her back.

“Thanks!” I said to her owner.

“Goodbye Poppet!” I said with a final pat on the head.

happy halloween!

your character wakes up in the past, when they were still with a lover who would later on break their heart. how do they handle this?

Writing Prompt #4 Your character wakes up in the past, when they were still with a lover who would later on break their heart. How do they handle this?

As I wake up, I notice something familiar, yet somewhat foreign. His smell: that wonderful smell of him.

I stretch to shake off my drowsiness and hear his voice, “Good morning, Sleepy.”  His face is close to mine and he playfully kisses my nose. I love it when he does that.

My mind races to place this moment. Was I having déjà vu? We are in bed with the sunlight peaking through a curtain I forgot to fully close. He was always careful about making sure no light would get through, but I wasn’t. I could sleep through almost anything.

He is in a really good mood this morning and I remember exactly how he looked when the sun hit him on this particular day.  This day is when we realize we are in love.

This was almost 3 years to the day when he would take his own life because of the depression he suffered after losing his brother to a freak accident the year before. No one could lift him out of the darkness. No one could reach him,… not even me.

I had often awoken to moments like these, when the past came back to life with memories so vivid and real that for a moment, everything seemed as it was, as it should have been. I would reach for him and feel the coolness of the sheets, where he used to lie beside me, only to fully awaken to realize he was indeed, still gone.

This is different. I feel his warmth as he lies next to me. I feel his strong arms as he pulls me closer. He smiles that incredible smile, just as I remember, looks down at me and blurts out, “I love you so much!”

“I love you too!” I reply feeling my heart swell; this is the first time we ever say those words to each other. Relief washes over him as he pulls me even closer to him and kisses me deeply.

Tears started to well in my eyes, but I push them down. I need to enjoy this moment. I kiss him deeper and hold him tighter.

I don’t ever want to let go.

a story in 100 words, take 2

I liked this prompt so much I wrote another one. 

write a 100 word story about one moment

“This better be as good as she says” I thought to myself. My best friend had raved about this place, home to the “best burger EVER”…

Ahem.

I surveyed the burger. {sniff} it smells great… it looks great!

Per her recommendation, I got the Classic burger: double patties made out of chuck beef and pork, grilled onions, hold the cheese, on a Brioche bun.

PB & J Burger from American Ale

I took a bite.

She was right.

I saw the joy in her eyes as she saw my reaction.

I think I may have died and gone to burger heaven.

I’ll never “EVER” doubt her again.

write a 100 word story about one moment

Taking more liberties. This isn't technically one moment, but it kinda is...

Writing Prompt #3: write a 100 word story about one moment

“Pizza, French Fry, Pizza, French Fry!” I repeated to myself as I picked up speed and slowed down. It was the first time I was on skis.

Kids whizzed by me, “French Frying” it all the way down.

“Damn their low center of gravity!” I grumbled under my breath.

“Come on, NO FEAR!” my boyfriend yelled as he flew by.

He had already bombed passed me five times. I was still on my first run down the bunny slope.

“Screw it!” I thought.

I mustered up all my courage.

“BANZAI!” I yelled, and zoomed down the rest of the run.

a person dies and is confronted by the person they have become

I might have taken a few liberties with this idea as well...

Writing prompt #2 a person dies and is confronted by the person they have become

I always heard that your entire life flashes before you right before you die.  Imagine my surprise when I found that the life that “could have been” flashed before me after I passed away.

I “crossed over” at 24. I had been hit by a car when I was on a sidewalk in Venice Beach. The driver lost control of the vehicle because he had a seizure and killed 4 of us.  It was a tragic accident.

It was like a scene out of “A Christmas Carol”, where Ebenezer Scrooge was viewing his “Christmas yet to come” alternate life. I was like a ghost witnessing what my future could have been, but without a host to show me around. Not that I needed one. I recognized myself right away.

At first I was back at the scene of my death. But instead of being run down, a man had grabbed me and pulled me to safety. Unfortunately the other three were struck, as the tragedy could not have been avoided.

I remember him pulling me out of the way in the nick of time.  We locked eyes as what had happened started to set in my mind. I was almost killed!

Soon after, the scenario started to morph around me, taking me to another snapshot of my life.  My savior and I were rock climbing in a remote part of the world. No one else was around us. When we got to the top, he got down on one knee.

The scenario transformed again. The man who had saved me was at the end of the aisle. My father was walking me towards him with a quartet playing a beautiful song. I was grinning ear to ear, looking at all the faces of my family and friends, smiling, taking pictures, and videoing our moment. I felt such joy and happiness.

Another scene: I’m in a boardroom, commanding a meeting. I could tell I was important the way everyone was tentatively listening to me and nodding in agreement.

Scene after scene came and went, but the one that lingered was one of me lying on a bed, my head wrapped in a scarf. My hair was all gone; my body was weak from chemo that treated my breast cancer. I was surrounded by my husband and three adults that appeared to be our children.  They were smiling through tears, talking about the good times we had. The battle was officially over. I refused additional treatment and was ready. My family was sad to see me go, but relieved that I would suffer no more.

At this point tears were streaming down my face. I was so joyful. Dr. Seuss’s quote swam in my mind, “Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened.” My “could have been” life was so full and rich with love and success. Even though it would never happen, seeing the possibility elated me.

The scenario morphed again; this time I was young again, maybe 36 or 37. I had just gotten my bearings. I was sitting in a crowd in a large theater  I was surrounded by hundreds of beautiful people, all dressed to the nines: men in tuxedos, women in vibrant ball gowns. My feet were throbbing in 4” heels that were a burgundy that matched my gown.  My husband was next to me when I heard, “And the Oscar for best actress goes to… for her portrayal of…” I saw myself get up and go on stage to accept the award.

I was so confused until I realized most of those previous scenes I had witnessed; they were from me becoming a successful actress. The only truth was that I was indeed married to the man who had saved me. He was an up-and-coming actor when we first met and together we had built our careers in various roles. We were like a real life Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan, filming several movies together. The marriage was real, though the proposal was a scene in one of our movies. The last two scenes were also different roles in movies I had starred in.

My husband and I got home from the awards ceremony and after parties. It was nearly dawn and he had helped me get out of my dress. After the dress was off, he embraced me and gave me a Hollywood kiss, "I'm SO proud of you!"

We were very happy and blessed with the success we had attained.

I was in the shadow, watching myself remove my makeup and brush out my hair. Unexpectedly, my alternate self acknowledged me for the first time. She stopped what she was doing, looked directly into my eyes, and said,”this is what life could have been…”

I nodded and smiled to myself as I headed towards the light.

visual stimulation of the scenic variety

For those of you who know me, you know my camera is usually close by. I LOVE pictures.

I'm one of those annoying Asian kids taking pictures of their food (not to post on FB, mind you, but to use for my yelp profile, thank you very much!) and sometimes (though rarely, I promise!) I'm one of those annoying people that seem to stop suddenly because something catches my eye. It's more of a slight pause before I get out of the way before taking the picture. 

Anyway, earlier this year I got my hands on a Canon SLR so I could experiment. None of these pictures have been touched up. Heck, all of them were taken with "autofocus", but I figured adjusting settings would be step 2 in the learning process. =) 

I'm mainly taking scenic shots for now. Not too hard when there is so much to appreciate.

Central Coast

On a lazy weekend, the bf and I took a coastal drive up the 101N. I have no idea where we stopped, but it was a beautiful day and we took a long stroll. As you can tell, it's not the usual sandy beach that most people are used to.

Lake Cachuma, CA

My friend from Boston was in town. He told me that he stayed at Lake Cachuma and that it was a great area. Another friend was visiting, so we took a short drive to check it out. Fun place for families, with lots of activities like kayaking and camping. I think one of the best things about coming here was the view of the drive. It's pretty much all up hill and the view is beautiful.

The Mission, Santa Barbara, CA

The Mission is one of the many sites that people are drawn to when visiting Santa Barbara. It's a beautiful building and according to the website, tells the history of how "Santa Barbara began."

There is a garden across the way, where you can picnic and toss around a frisbee. It's a sight to see when roses are in bloom.

East Beach might as well be my second home here. I usually go on daily walks/ jogs along this beach. The boardwalk is usually full of

East Beach, Santa Barbara, CA

joggers, bikers, walkers, and surreys. I've also been known to play beach volleyball here, when there are enough people.

It's also home to Chase Palm Park, which, once you see the array of trees, know it could not have been named anything else. (The Palm Park portion, that is!)

So... I admit, I also use my camera phone quite a bit and have an instagram account. Here are a few of my faves:

View of Santa Barbara from the Courthouse

The Santa Barbara Courthouse is one of my favorite places to take visitors. For one, it's just around the corner from a great gelato place for which I have known to frequent more than once a day, ahem... (what can I say?! it was a hot day!) two, it has a beautiful courtyard which is a great location to enjoy said gelato, and three, during the summer they have movie screenings (which, again, you can partake in maybe another gelato...). This is also a very popular wedding destination.

This beach was on a different drive down the coast. My friend and I stopped at a rest stop to check out the view. The central coast is such a scenic drive.

We saw a railroad track below the viewing area. Naturally, we had to take a closer look, but he couldn't stop there. My friend was determined to find a way down to the ocean and since I was already halfway down, I had to get a glimpse myself. Can't let him have all the fun!

When we were coming up, we found a better, safer way to get down, (of course) but it was a nice way to add a little adventure to the day.

Laguna Beach sky

Ok, no more sales pitches of how great Santa Barbara is.

This sky was one of those moments where I looked up and was stopped in my tracks. I loved the way the clouds were reflecting the sun and the silhouette of the palm trees...

I know I sound corny. What can I say? I appreciate nature.

I mean, come on, that's one cool picture!

you pick up the phone to call a friend and realize that you are on the line with yourself 5 years ago... Part 2

I say "Part 2" but this is not a continuation of the last story. It's what a conversation with myself from 5 years ago would really be like. 

Astoria, OR

“You remember Dexter?” I asked my younger self.

“Yeah! The Canadian that almost got us killed?” I exaggerated.

“Yup, the one who always said that' life was about the journey'.” Elder me confirmed.

“What about him?”

“Well, he’s right. You will probably always be re-evaluating what you want to do with your life, but while you are doing so, don’t forget to enjoy yourself.”

“Care to elaborate?”

“Do you REALLY want a preview, or do you want it to be a surprise?”

Laguna Beach, CA

“Preview please!” younger me begged.

“Gah, FINE!” I replied, exasperated. These youngin’s,  so damn impatient; and here I thought I was different and more mature at that age. I guess not. Hmph.

“In these 5 years, you will meet over 100 people. You will live in unexpected places and will travel to over 20 new cities across 7 countries and 3 continents. You will go through some good times and some bad. “

“While that’s nice to hear, it’s still somewhat vague, “  younger me observed.

“I know, so get off the phone and START LIVING!” And with that I hung up.

you pick up the phone to call a friend and realize that you are on the line with yourself 5 years ago...

As Reddit's Writing Prompt blew up because of this amazing story, I decided I would take advantage of this site and use some of these prompts to help me when I have "creative ideas block". 

Writing Prompt #1:

You pick up the phone to call a friend and realize that you are on the line with yourself 5 years ago. Write about the conversation that ensues.

I took some liberties with this one but I hope you enjoy it anyway. 

It was a lazy Saturday morning. The hubby had taken our daughter on her play date at his sister’s so I could sleep in.  I looked at the clock and it was half past 9am. My cousin should be awake. I missed her and wanted to catch up.

I reached for my cell phone and dialed her land line. She had been resistant to technology, insisting that a regular phone was better because it never lost a call and she didn't have to always be “available”.

“Hello?” an odd, but familiar voice answered.

“Hi! Jenn?!”

“Oh sorry, she’s out of town for the weekend, can I take a message?” said the girl.

“Uh, yeah, can you tell her this is Christi?”

“Sure. Does she have your number?”

“Yeah, um, who is this?” I asked the girl.

“I’m Christi, her cousin.”

“Wait, what!? I’m her cousin Christi.” I replied, bewildered.

I knew I was the only one cousin named Christi, was this a joke?!

After several more rounds of questioning, we realized, we were indeed, the same person, but she was 5 years younger.

She is (was) the 22 year old Christina rooming with our cousin Jenn, still figuring herself out. At the time, she didn't have a cell phone either. Little did she know, in a few months, she/I would meet Jake and in a year she/I would be married. She had no idea what lie ahead.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Now, things are finally starting to get better since “limbo” ended.

That’s how we refer to it now, my affair. It was before we had our daughter, about a year after we got married.

It all started from a simple and innocent question:

Which class should I take: photography or art?

On the one hand, I already had a decent camera that my brother could let me use. On the other, I have always wanted to get some formal training in painting. I dabbled with pencil sketches and pastels, but I really wanted to learn how to paint.

At my new husband’s encouragement, I took the art class.

The community college I attended was very well known for its visual arts and literature programs. Most of the classes required collaboration with another medium; in this particular case it was pairing up creative writers with artists or photographers.

Our final project was to create a book. In the first part of the semester, the writers would work on a short story, while the artists/ photographers were honing their skills. Each writer would pick how they wanted to express their short story (by paintings or through photos), then provide topics to the respective instructors so that they could get find their partner for the rest of the semester.

pianos on state street; santa barbara,ca

Mario decided that he preferred artwork to enhance his work, his topic being child prodigy composer. In class, the instructor wrote the topics on the dry erase board and we got to select which subject caught our interest. I played piano for 15 years, and liked to write my own music. It was a perfect match.

The writing class, art class, and photography class were all scheduled at the same time, so we were able to use class time to work with our partner to further develop our ideas.

Even before we knew we would be working together, Mario and I noticed one another right away. I was a bit too excited to find out that he would be my partner for this assignment.

It started out innocently enough. He told me more about his story and his ideas of how he wanted it portrayed and I gave him my background, offering to be a sounding board in addition to being his illustrator. We ended up having long discussions over the phone or IMing during work hours about the project and soon enough about life in general.

We had a whirlwind romance, spending as much time as we could together. He was like a drug; I couldn't get enough. Jake didn't suspect anything for a while because he knew this was our final project and he knew how important it was to me. He would have never found out if I didn't behave so impulsively.

It was a few days before our project was due. Mario and I were working on the final touches. We had already had the book bound and ready to go, but we wanted to add texture to my artwork and give it a 3D effect. I left my phone on silent and got carried away with the time. I ended up staying the night, then one night became two.

Mario and I were so in love. But I also loved Jake. I never knew I could be in love with two people at the same time. Jake made me feel safe and secure. Mario made me feel invincible and alive.

As an unspoken rule, I had always called to tell Jake when I’d be back, but this time I didn't  I was so caught up in where I was. With Mario and this project that had taken a life of its own. I knew I should have called him, but I didn't want to leave this bubble I shared with Mario. When I looked at my phone there were over 40 missed calls and my mailbox was full with messages from Jake.

As soon as I got home, I knew he knew. Jake was devastated. He hadn't slept for several days, his eyes puffy and red, face full of worry and pain. I had never seen him look so broken.

I felt awful. I wish I could say I felt guilt, but for some reason I didn't  I hurt because I had hurt him. In just a few short days, he had become a shadow of a man. He hadn't eaten, called in sick from work. His whole life stopped when he thought that I might be happier with someone other than him.

We began to fight as we struggled to work things out. He professed his undying love for me and badgered me to tell him what Mario had given me that he couldn't  His anger started to surface when I couldn't give him an answer. I didn't have an answer. The passion I felt for Mario was different than what I felt for Jake. I couldn't explain that to him because I didn't understand it myself.

He knew he wouldn't be able to stop me if I wanted to go and he begged me not to see Mario again. I suspected that he wanted to give me an ultimatum, but I knew that the thought of losing me forever frightened him enough for him to select his words carefully.

Truthfully, I never expected to have a real relationship with Mario. While we loved each other, I knew it was never going to be more than what it was. We shared a lot in those few months, but I couldn't envision spending the rest of my life with him.

After another big fight with Jake, I went to Mario because I needed to talk things through. I didn't call before I went to his apartment. I just needed to see him. He came to the door half dressed, and even though he told me how much he loved me, it was clear to me that he had a lot of love to give. 

I heard a girl in the background “Mario, mi amor, who is it?”

It wasn't too big of a surprise that Mario had moved on so quickly. In one of our many long talks he told me that he didn't believe there is only one love for each person. The idea of committing himself to one woman for the rest of his life was daunting to him. For all I know, he could have been with her the whole time.

I was very lucky that Jake was so in love with me that he wanted to honor our wedding vows, despite my infidelity. We went to many counseling sessions and worked hard to try to move forward and leave this in the past.

While he found it in his heart to forgive me, he didn't forget. 

I decided I wanted to take the photography class, but he took the writing class to make sure that we worked on the same project. He didn't want to take any chances that Mario would be there or that I would wander again.

Our project allowed us to expose different sides of ourselves to each other that the other hadn't seen before. We were married very soon after we met and this assignment helped us begin the rebuilding process of our relationship.

If I had taken the photography class to begin with, I would have never met Mario. Even if I might have seen him passing in the hallway, I had no reason to meet him or get involved. I was recently married after all, and very much in love. Being in the other class, I would have worked on a different project with someone else and all the heartache and trust issues could have been avoided.

Even though things are still better, I know that it doesn't matter what promises I make. I don’t know if I will ever completely regain Jake’s trust, but I know that I will keep trying.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My younger self was as curious and superstitious as always. After inquiring about our family, our career and success, she bluntly asked if I/we would marry, have kids and have the white picket fence along with it. My future looked bleak at the time, and that was what she/I was concerned with most 5 years ago.

During our conversation, I had thought long and hard about what I wanted to reveal to her, but considering everything I had been through, I knew what I had to do.

I told my younger self, “Yes, you will get married and have kids. One last thing, our photography has really come a long way.”