Writing Prompt #8 A superhero is called to save the world - while he is on the toilet, with a bad case of the runs.
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"Gurgle gurgle gurgle" his stomach grumbled.
He had just finished two of his favorite California burritos; each with extra sour cream, guacamole, habanero sauce and extra fries from the local taco shop. He was ravenous, so even when it tasted a bit off, he devoured both of them anyway. It's hard work saving the world, a superhero's got to eat!
As, he was walking back to his apartment, a sharp pain formed in his gut. He got goosebumps and felt the familiar urgency that calls every so often when he tests if his stomach is made of steel.
Apparently it isn't today.
"Only a few more blocks, you got this" he said to himself as he picked up the pace.
He got to the door of his apartment building and fished out his keys. He could feel the pressure building, and of course, he dropped his keys. Slowly and steadily, he carefully bends his knees to pick them up. "No need to cause an embarrassing scene here," he thought.
Success! The door to the lobby opened.
"Thank goodness I live on the first floor!" he quietly said out load as he half walked, half jogged to his apartment. Another pain stabbed his gut. Taking a deep breath, he slowed down just a little because he knew that if he gets too anxious, he could drop his keys again and at this point, he felt like he was going to explode.
This time he was prepared with house key in hand, ready to put in the lock. No problems this time. Key in key hole, unlock, AWESOME!
The urgency turned into an emergency as he slammed the front door and made a mad dash to the toilet. He hastily unbuckled his belt, unbuttoned his pants and yanked down the zipper. He could feel his sphincter relaxing even though he willed it with all his might to keep it under control.
At last, he was on the throne, relaxing enough to let the contents of his bowels come out.
"Phew, that was a close one!" he thought to himself. He had barely been able to yank off his underwear and could honestly admit that he almost crapped his pants!
He looked down, "D'oh!" there was a bit on his pants after all. "No one will ever know of this, ever!"
Just then another huge pain wrenched his gut, making him double over.
The cramps took over and all he could do was close his eyes and keep pushing. Violent splashing erupted under him. When the pain subsided, the stench overwhelmed him and he reached behind him for a courtesy flush, even if it were just for him.
"I wonder if this in any way, shape or form resembles giving birth," he thought as he grunted and pushed. The pain was grueling, and unwavering. There was a blockage and the peristaltic movement was too slow for his liking. He hated it when this happened, why couldn't it just all come out in a steadily like his normal defecations?
As his cramps subsided, he heard a soft noise.
<<BUZZ>>
In his haste to relieve himself, he just carried everything into the bathroom with him.
He checked his personal cell. Nope, it wasn't that one.
"Oh NO!" he said aloud. It was his "in case of emergency the world is going to be destroyed!" phone and the President was on the line.
He knew that if he didn't take this, a catastrophic disaster could hit, but if he did... the pain in his stomach caused him to moan in pain as more chills came to him. If he did... who knows what would happen?
"I HAVE to answer this!" He said aloud. "The world is depending on me!"
His body was revolting, his bowels were ready to move, but the call made him anxious and gave him stage fright.
Briefly, he considered getting off the toilet to take the call.
As soon as the thought entered his mind, it left as he once more doubled over with a cramp that was worse than any before.
"Damn! Why did I courtesy flush?! There was already so much in there, it could have softened the splashes!"
Quickly, he wadded up a decent amount of toilet paper and dropped it in the bowl. He considered wiping, but in order to answer the phone he'd have to wash his hands and the sink was too far away.
<<BUZZ BUZZ>>
Time was running out, he HAD to take it.
He selected the "answer call" icon on the phone.
"Black Phantom! We need your help!" the President exclaimed in a panicked voice.
"Madame President! How can I be of service?"
"Get on video STAT, I need to show you what's going on!"
Black Phantom hesitates, looks around to see if he can cover the toilet with a towel or something so it doesn't look so obvious that he's in the bathroom. He pulls one off the rack behind him and rearranges the other one to cover it and hopes that it blends into the background. He also reaches for his mask, which is always in his back pocket, as he has yet to reveal his true identity and he knew that this could potentially have many other viewers. Good thing he didn't stain this!
"Black Phantom, what's taking you so long? Don't you know this is a matter of the national security?!" the President barks, getting impatient by his lack of response. "What's going on?"
"Nothing, Madame President, I'm here." As he says this, he feels the build up of tension in his intestines. He's using all his will power to keep it in because he can tell. This one is a big one. He's on a video call with the President, he can see her Joint Chiefs of Staff and other personnel that he can't make out.
Half listening and half concentrating on maintaining control of his body, he focuses on the President's words and the visuals she's showing him. Anything to help him ignore desperation he was feeling. Behind the mask, a thin layer of sweat has coated him. He prayed that it would be over soon.
"Do you have any questions?"
"No Madame President. I understand."
"Good luck Black Phantom. The world is depending on you."
The call went on for 4 minutes and 39 seconds. Since he records these calls, he didn't have to worry about missing any important details because he could replay them on his way to his destination.
Relieved that the call is finally over, he drops the phone on his pants, he relaxes and lets loose. A projectile rush of defecation fills the toilet bowl as he lets out a loud and hard earned fart.
As his stomach finally calms down, he hears some muffled voices and reaches for the phone. He hesitates, but forces himself to reach for the phone. He thought he disconnected the call, but he was too distracted by the pain of holding in everything for so long.
He looks at it and sees that the President had left to attend other business (thank goodness!), but several of her staff members were still working on the logistics. Their mortified faces say it all.
"CRAP!" he says to himself; he forgot to disconnect the call.
